God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
