TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
