The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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