I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
