what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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