you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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