So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
