I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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