you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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