Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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