Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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