At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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