I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
