I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
