Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize