Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
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His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
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My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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