STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I feel like a drive thru vagina
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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