Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
