I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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