I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
