Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
