She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
