the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
