just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
