I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i out mim tonsoeep
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