just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
