That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
