I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
honey bunches of taint.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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