just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
