If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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