i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
