I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.