He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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