My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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