im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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