it hurts more in the daytime
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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