you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
