we're making bets on your personal life
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
