we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
