At least make sure they are 18
Why
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
