Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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