I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
