your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just gift wrapped bread.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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