im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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