I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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