True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
