So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im holly from the hills drunk
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
