Non-Jews are for practice
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
