Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
