Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
