Her vagina should come with caution tape.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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