This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
