I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
