i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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