i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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