Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
