You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We left an ass print on the piano.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
