she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
