I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
