Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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